The here and now

Recently I added my cousins and my uncle on facebook. I have always wanted to keep in touch, but the emails from my uncle Ronnie were driving me nuts. I don't like politically off color jokes. Regarding black people and politics. And then I started getting the same emails from my 1/2 brother Bryon. So now I'm in touch with my relatives and I was able to block the emails. It was always a bunch of fw: spam crap anyhow.

So anyways today I'm really upset. I'm currently out of work but I have something coming up to look forward to. I'm not starting right away and it's not a dream job to everyone. But it's going to be steady work. Why not the economy sucks right now! I'll be outside listening to my ipod, picking up dog poop. No one breathing down my back, no stress. Just stinky poop! Now I understand my wife has had to go to work. Hell I can't even afford her! She can't afford herself! Fact of the matter she put me in a lot of debt. She flipped her car, she had medical emergencies, and her bills for being bipolar are stressful. And I understand regardless it's frustrating for her to see I'm always home lately. I lost a assignment last month and it wasn't my fault. The woman who trained me really liked me, we got along great. I did everything she asked me. But the moment she was on vacation, someone didn't like me. And I got canned. So Monique comes home from work and I'm always here right now. I've redone the office completely. I'm fixing things around the house trying to get it organized and up to snuff. It's been disorganized, and there are places we could use more cabinet space, more furniture to make things more functional.

So I am sensitive to what she is going through. But it's just not enough! It's like she's always pressuring me to get a job a place she even hates. Wal-Mart! Now I'm not a people person, which is why I like working behind a computer. Data-entry, leave me alone to work and I'm happy! Monique loves working with cake but hates the people she works with and she hates customers. I'd love it if she got a office job. Came home from work in a skirt and all. I'd be all over that. But such is life right?
Well she seems like she hates everything about me lately. Doesn't matter how much around the house I get done. Or that I've been looking for work. Or the fact that I have a job coming up to look forward to. And I'm bitter about that because my honey do list is always completed. Her's never is. I've been waiting for her to repair the laundry basket that Maggie handled improperly for about a year and 1/2. There's other things on that list to that have been neglected for a long time. Often when she gets home, her give a damn is busted. Yeah she worked, she's tired but she doesn't want to lift a finger to do anything. And she's always been really lazy when it comes to disciplining Maggie. I'm always having the conversations and being the asshole. Also Monique has Maggie running around with her head cut off, because Maggie is trying to do her chores, and Monique always needs Maggie to fetch something for her. Fetch me a drink, a plate, a fork, something to eat. Now when I do the same thing it's to help me get a tool doing something constructive. Hey it happens! But I'm not about to have Maggie fetch me a soda when I can get up and do it myself.

So, after Monique and I got married, she told me months afterwards that she's bipolar. I've always been bitter about that because she should of told me before we got married. And there is a very good chance that I may not of believed her and still had married her. But honestly if I knew what I knew when she was flipping out, and being a horrible ungrateful wife to me. I wouldn't have married her. There's been times I was glad I persevered and dealt with it to get to this point. However today I'm angry and I don't know if I would have married her. When I asked her if she felt bad for not telling me, she said no. However 10 minutes later she did say she did feel bad. But I'm not sure if I believe her because yes 10 minutes later it was the right answer. But did she only say that because she knew it made me justifiably angry?